College Sure Has a Lot of Stupid People

Make sure, make sure, make sure...

...that if you respond to an e-mail that a Professor sends out to a whole class...

...you don't hit the "reply all" button...

...and e-mail the entire list-serve the most stupid e-mail ever.




Hello Professor L_____,


I am emailing in regards to the final exam. I have a bit of a conflict with the exam time and am wondering if it is possible to take the exam at a different time.


I am the pitcher on a slow pitch softball team, and our first game of the summer is the night of the exam at 6:00. I realize that this reason is not as justified as perhaps a job or an appointment but I felt I needed to ask. I am the only guy on our team that knows how to pitch and if I can't make it, it will really be detrimental for my team. However, regardless of the position I play, I know this still isn't something that you may see worthy of an alternate exam time, and I respect that. I just thought it couldn't hurt to ask.


Thank you very much Professor. Hope you enjoyed the great weather today!


B_____ D______





UPDATE 4/28/09 The professor has informed me that the request has been denied. My request to move mine, however, as I have three exams in 24 hours (which by school policy allows me to move one of them) was granted. Sucker.

I Don't Swear, to Tell You the Truth.

Anybody that knows me even remotely well knows that I have never sworn or cursed or said certain words. Well, some people claim to have, but that's mostly because for some reason people have a hard time believing I haven't. But I haven't.

But people do have a case in pointing out that there are some contradictions in my method. I have a shirt that says "F*** 'Em Bucky". I say some words that people find offensive like "douche bag". Sometimes I do type "WTF". Some of my favorite music and movies have a filthy word every two or three seconds.

So maybe I should explain myself. I have to a lot, but when put on the spot I tend to not explain it the way I'd like. My reasons for not swearing have changed over the years. As a kid growing up, I was taught that swearing was wrong. When I started playing hockey, I was somewhat uncomfortable because I played with 8-year olds that had the mouths of sailors. I gradually became immune to it but knew it wouldn't be allowed in my house, so I worried about getting to much into the habit if i partook at practice, opening myself up to a slip at home. So I restrained myself.

It almost became a game over the years. It went hand in hand with drinking with me. While I wasn't morally-opposed to swearing, nor people swearing around me, it became something that I wanted to prove to myself that I could go through life without doing. I had come all this way without it, to give up now would be a sign of weakness.

When I hit 21 I drank for the first time. But I haven't sworn. You might ask, well why not? You are exercising a right by drinking at 21, why don't you exercise a Constitutional right in freedom of speech? Good question, hypothetical person. The truth is that in the home I was raised, the only time I heard swearing was in anger. I in no way grew up in a bad home, and I'm sure this is an experience many people have. My parents didn't swear in their jokes. They swore when they were really mad. That's when you knew a situation had escalated to serious proportions.

So part of the reason I've never sworn is because I don't want to say things I won't regret. Swearing is all fun and games when it's part of a joke or for shock value or whatever. But using them as names can serve as daggers in an argument. Some of the most hurtful things you can say are eliminated by not swearing.

Part of what spurred my analysis is the fact that I've been enamored with a certain song this week, and the chorus is so infectious that I want to sing the very harmless, not-even-curse-usage of a word. That song is "Oscar Wilde" by Company of Thieves. Company of Thieves is an up-and-coming band, although I'm going to find it very interesting to see where they go in the coming months. Their style is perplexing to me. I have no idea how to characterize them, except for as good. I mean, I could pick apart their influences, but I don't know who they fit with. Pitchfork probably won't be doing a review on them anytime soon (I'll let you know if I'm wrong) because it's not weird enough to be "indie" (which believe me, isn't an insult to indie, as most of my music falls under the category). However, I also don't see their music receiving much airplay. It's not "alternative" in the punk/emo sense, and it's definitely not poppy. Genevieve has a ridiculously beautiful voice, with shades of Bjork when Bjork's not screeching, Feist, Regina Spektor, and more. Basically, the "problem" (if it is one) lies in the fact that their music is not the same throughout the album. "Oscar Wilde" would give you the impression that the music's going to be very solemn, analytical throughout. But then you hear "In Passing", which is jazzy and soulful. It's all very confusing, but also very easy to enjoy.

While I was researching the band, I found out they had been on Live From Daryl's House. Any Hall and Oates fans? Daryl Hall and his band play songs with a guest artist each show. The dynamic between Gen and Daryl's voice is beautiful. She really displays her pipes in these songs. So, I'm going to post both "Oscar Wilde" and the "Past the Sleep" vid (one of CoT's songs) from Live From Daryl's House that I've been watching over and over for the last week.

Notes to Myself

These are notes I have written / kept mentally logged in my head today.


1. Visit the Palace of Versailles when I take my dream trip to Europe.

...which will probably never happen. Also, count how many references to the sun I can find in the palace. For any of you that don't know, the Palace of Versailles was built by Louis XIV. He had an ego that makes Lindsay Lohan look like Mother Teresa. He called himself the Sun King (the link is a glorious painting of him as the sun in a ballet as a teenager), a reference to the idea that France should revolve around him. You know Divine Right? God chooses the king, king's the closest thing to God on earth, yadda yadda yadda? Yeah, that's your guy. You can imagine then, that a palace that guy built would be extravagant. You can also believe that the guy basically bankrupted the nation and taxed the peasants to an extreme.


2. Read a book on Peter the Great this summer.

The guy knew how to party. He basically trashed the houses of people he stayed with during his "Grand Embassy" tour, in which he went to Europe to observe the practices of Western culture. He was supposedly incognito, but he was 6'8" and had 250 servants and aides with him, which tends to be a little inconspicuous. He also had this thing called the "All-joking, all-drunken assembly", which was literally where he and a bunch of nobles got together and pretended to be Eastern Orthodox clergy, basically worshipping alcohol instead of God. However, Peter was also insanely cruel. He suspected his son of trying to overthrow him, an accusation that likely lacked legitimacy, having him tortured in prison until he died. Also, during the Grand Embassy, when he wanted to see how the English did executions, he encouraged them to use his own servants when they didn't have anyone on the chopping block that day.

Doesn't dude sound interesting?


3. Get Nutter Butters for the weekend.

I haven't had them in about 5 years. Plus, I gave up chocolate for Lent, so I haven't really had a cookie in about a month.


4. Never sit next to the fat kid again.

I don't mean to be mean. But first off, the guy didn't even give me a chance to get up before he climbed over me to get to his seat. Then, he totally took up about half of my space. Finally, he wheezed and made weird groans all period.


5. Twilight is the female's Star Wars.

By this I mean a couple things. First off, I have a feeling that 20 years from now women are going to remember where they were when they saw Twilight for the first time, and they're going to remember the exact number of times they saw it in theaters. Secondly, it's pretty dorky. Third, there's a ridiculous amount of Twilight memorabilia out there. I'm sure Twilight conventions are right around the corner. No surprise here either: There's a sequel in the works. So now we have the spots filled up for most demographics. Star Wars for men, Twilight for women, and Harry Potter for kids. We're just waiting on the senior citizen cult classic...


I can't believe I haven't made a song by these guys song of the day yet in the past, but yesterday a guitar solo by the Whigs turned my day around, so I kind of owe it to them. Here's the Whigs with "Like a Vibration"