King James

I don't like the NBA. Of the four major sports, I think it's the biggest joke. College basketball's great, because everyone's got something to prove, but in the NBA it's all about flash and no defense.

I was watching Sportscenter today and saw Lebron James' tattoo of a crown, and remembered his nickname was "King James". I realized that it's a hilarious nickname, one that isn't exactly flattering. If people took the time to do research on the kings named James, they'd realize that they're not someone you'd want to be associated with.

The Stuarts may have been the worst kings in history, possibly with the exception of Charles II. James I (1603-25) popularized the theory of Divine Right, the thought that kings were chosen by God to rule and should basically have absolute power because of it. Thus, he found ways of taxing without using Parliament, who basically derives all its power through taxation. This led to countless disputes with Parliament, which resulted in James constantly dissolving of them once they tried to assert their rights. He personally racked up a large amount of debt because of his extravagence, attempting to resolve it by selling royal lands. He tried to match his son, Charles I, with a Spanish princess, which greatly steamed the nobles as Spain was one of their two rivals at the time. The failure of the match would lead to disastrous war waged by Charles I upon James' death, and the pompous precedents James passed down to Charles would lead the the English Civil War, where Charles was deposed and beheaded, and the country would be subject to eleven years of military rule by the insolent Oliver Cromwell from 1649 to 1660.

James II (1685-1688) was probably worse than James I, if not the worst king in English history. Charles II had done everything in his power to re-legitimize the throne. However, James II threw it all away, very much his father's son (Charles I). James was a devout Catholic, and tried to push the Anglican Church in a very Catholic direction when Anti-Popery was at its highest. He essentially replaced people in every major position of power with Catholics, suspending laws that limited Catholic rights. The man did not know how to be subtle, ordering Anglican priests to read his pro-Catholic acts in church. After he produced a legitimate male heir, the nobles and priests worried about a pro-Catholic dynasty and requested that William of Orange (who was married to James' daughter, Mary) come to England and overthrow James II. He arrived with 15,000 men, the largest invasion force to ever arrive in England. James did not have the manpower to compete with him, especially when a bunch of nobles and clergy pledged to fight on the side of William. James saw that his number was up, and he fled to France, but not before he made some stupid and cowardly decisions on his way out. He destroyed the writs for calling a new Parliament, ordered his supporting army to be disbanded without pay, and in the biggest act of disrespect towards England by a king ever, threw the seal of England into the ocean. He was captured before he ever made it to France by fishermen. Oh, and he was dressed like a woman. In just three years in office, he had managed to infuriate the country enough to dethrone him in the Glorious Revolution.

So go ahead Lebron, go by King James, but don't be surprised if you lose public support somewhere down the road.

Song of the day: The new song by Manchester Orchestra is genius. They are putting out their new album on April 21 entitled "Mean Everything to Nothing". For more information on M.O., see this post.