"You Wouldn't Happen to Have a Ladder?"

So, my buddy Mark is in the forces in Qatar, and we still talk over AIM. The other day, we were talking about an incident on Prom night of Junior year. A bunch of us didn't want to go or didn't have dates, so we made a plan to toilet paper 96 houses of people that were at Prom. I mapped it out and divided it into sectors. Well, about six houses in we got caught after someone saw us running away from a house that we saw someone move in. Hilarity ensued. I found the transcript I wrote of the dialogue between us and the cops. Here it is:

"You Wouldn't Happen to Have a Ladder?"

A nine-act play based on a true story
The night of April 14th, 2005
As told by T.J.

ACT 1: AT HOME
TJ: I'm going T.P.ing
Dad: Don't take my car
TJ: OK.

ACT 2: IN TJ'S DAD'S CAR WITH FOUR FRIENDS
Policeman: Get out of the car.
TJ: OK.

ACT 3: ON THE STREET
Policeman: Do you know why I stopped you?
TJ: No.
Policeman: People described five young men getting out of a van fitting the description
of yours, walking up to a house, and running away. Do you know anything about that?
TJ: Haha, yeah. We were scoping it out.
Policeman: Like you were going to burglarize it?
TJ: Haha, no. Like we were going to T.P. it.
Policeman: Alright, is there anything in the car other than TP (He flashes the flashlight into TJ's eyes)
TJ: Like...
Policeman: Drugs or alcohol?
TJ: Ha, no, we were just out to get people while they were at Prom.
Policeman: (Laughing) Are you the guys that couldn't get dates?
TJ: Haha, no, I could have gotten a date. I dunno about the rest.
Policeman: Oh, I gotcha. You didn't want to spend $90 on a girl that wouldn't aprreciate it.
TJ: Exactly.
Policeman: Alright, you can go back to the car.

ACT 4: BACK IN THE CAR
Policeman: Alright, you guys have two choices. 1) I give you all $160 citations. 2) You clean the houses off while we watch.
Matt: Choice 1!!!
TJ: Haha, no. We'll take the other one.

(Policeman starts to walk away)
TJ: Wait! You wouldn't happen to have a ladder, would you?
Policeman: Haha, nope. You're gonna have to use your imagination.

ACT 5: TAKING THE T.P. DOWN OUTSIDE OF JULIA'S HOUSE
(TJ and the police officer watch as Dan Sleider is hoisted into a tree by Matt and Cox. He gets stuck and hangs like a monkey in the tree to get some TP. TJ turns to the officer and says...)
TJ: This is more fun that the actual T.P.ing
Policeman: After we're done, I've got a lawn that needs mowing(Sleider gets down and shows them his wrists, which are all cut up from the branches)

ACT 6: STANDING BY TJ's CAR
Policeman: I still see a strand of TP in the tree.
Sleider: If I try to get it, the branch will break.
Policeman: No license until you get it.
(All the guys go "awwww")
Policeman: I'm just kidding. How many rolls did you guys buy?
Dan Brown: 120.

TJ: Haha, yeah, we had a 96-house plan.
Cox: It's all the cheap kind.
TJ: Yeah, like half-ply.

ACT 7: FLASHBACK TO PICK 'N SAVE
(All five guys walk up to cahier with 120 rolls of T.P.)
Cashier: Going camping?
TJ: Um, no. We're... building a float.
Cashier: You're lying. You're going t.p.ing, aren't you?
TJ: Yeah, but if we get caught, we'll say we got it from Sentry.

ACT 8: STANDING BY TJ'S CAR
TJ: We got it from Sentry. Can we donate the TP to the police station?
Policeman: Ha, no, we're all set. But you guys are free to go.
TJ: So we can go back to T.P.ing now, right?

ACT 9: BACK HOME

Dad: You took my car?! You're grounded for two weeks from car, internet, and cellphone. You're gonna have to gain our trust back... (Fades out)
FIN

Possible Casting
TJ: Jude Law
Matt B.: Jim Carrey
Sleider: Some unknown gymnast that can hang from trees
Dan Brown: Steve Buscemi
Stock: Andy Dick
Cox: Mark Cox

Policeman: Himself. He was like 25 with a fauxhawk. Chicks would go crazy for the guy.